It's difficult to acknowledge that you're broken, or weakened, or vulnerable. It's equally difficult to accept help from others after that acknowledgement. Whether it's a false sense of pride or general embarrassment, it's hard.
A few have told me that they don't have the words or don't know what to say regarding my wife's cancer. I can appreciate this feeling because historically I've made the personal mistake of not even reaching out to others, thinking anything I could say would be useless and empty compared to the gravity of their situations. I've realized that it's not about having the right words, it's about simply reaching out as they have. I've also realized that my community is far more supportive than I could have imagined. When my wife was diagnosed, we felt eerily similar to how it felt when Adam was diagnosed: alone on an island. When your life seems to crack at the foundations, it's stable support that's needed the most. Our community has shown up and met that need in so many ways.
We were coming up on the last few nights of Ramadan, our holy month of fasting. The final 10 nights are considered particularly sacred. Half way through is when my wife found out. Within the first hour I made the decision to reach out to the community for their prayers and support. My goodness, did they really show up, and they continue to show up. I am both a little embarrassed and entirely humbled by how loving and caring our community has been through this journey so far. Individuals and families have gone out of their way to lend a hand or offer their support through different means, helping in ways we didn't realize we needed. My family and I are at a complete loss on how to reciprocate.
The emotional overhead, stages of grief, call it whatever you'd like, were all made bearable and manageable because of individuals just asking how we were doing or insisting on helping in some form or another. From text messages to phone calls to duas (prayers) made for us, they've all brought warmth. Others have been persistent and insistent in helping us, breaking down the omni-present walls of embarrassment. Our community has taken a sense of ownership over our situation, and made it theirs in a way to share in the burden. The community has given our family moments of brightness and levity, and it is so difficult to articulate just how we feel.
Knowing that people are thinking about you does something to your outlook and perspective. The simplest outreach helps you work through the anxiety. I wholly did not expect that kind of impact. I don't know where we would be if it had not been for so many in our community supporting us in the ways they have been, especially in the critical first month of uncertainty. Between that and our faith, it's helped our family go from a cracked foundation to staying on top of things and being effective with our time and energy.
Moving forward I hope I can return the kindness shown to me and my family by making sure to never miss an opportunity to be more supportive towards others, in any way that I can. My deepest thanks and gratitude to our friends, family, and our community for the love and compassion you all have shown. My duas (prayers) to Allah are for you, because I am incapable of doing any justice to your generosity, and only He can compensate you all from Himself for the love you have given us.
